Time and Distance takes it's toll

I remember the exact minute last night when 20 years and 1564.77 miles landed it's punch. It was 4:06 MST. I don't know what clicked in my head but something inside of me stroked and flared up so many insecurities and it hit me like a ton of bricks: time, distance, location, communication everything that's a concern was screaming at me in my head. I felt myself shut down.

So I bailed. I jumped in my car filled up the gas tank. Even left my cell at home and headed for.... anywhere except where I was. I was on the run. Music turned up so I didn't have to think.
But you know even though you may not be able to formulate thoughts in your mind you just can't fool the heart. The heart knows EVERYTHING and it knows it before your head does most of the time. The heart is also partners with the eyes, because the heart tells the eyes to bring forth the tears so the head will start to figure it out. Some days I hate them, the heart, mind and eyes. Yesterday we all went to war: head, heart, eyes time, distance, location, communication they followed me on my 3 hour road trip. We argued, yelled, cried, reasoned, and battled it out like a good old family road trip!
I came home 3 hours later worn, weary, tired, feeling defeated. I also had 2 messages on my phone from the Man. I sort of just bailed on him for 3 hours in mid conversation i guess. I didn't bring our communication link (cell phone.) Totally not fair to him was it? I guess I had some explaining to do. What could I possibly say to him for storming off like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum? Do I tell him I miss him more than I thought I ever would?(it's only been 20 years) Do I tell him I think he's gonna leave me? Do I tell him he's too far away and he feels intangible, because I can't see him, feel, touch, or hear him? Do I tell him the 2 hour time distance gives us NO real window of time to just be together in online or via the phone and the time there is is just not enough? Am I being selfish and demanding. Do I just suck it all in, push it down and try and ignore it because there's not much either of us can do about it at this point?
What man is gonna wanna put up with unneeded emotional drama making things more complicated.
It was gonna be a long night and my heart felt like it was gonna explode.
*sigh*